Sex can be essential part of a lesbian relationship or it may not. But if it is, you and your partner need to work together to keep your sex life alive and to aim for a stronger relationship.
So how to go about this? First of all, you need to talk about sex. When you’re needing more– or less– sex with your partner, you should talk about it.
Of course, we all know that being vulnerable sounds easier said than done. It’s probably harder than standing naked in front of your girlfriend, right?
Talking about your sex life is important
As noted by experts, couples that can talk about sex openly end up feeling more comfortable with each other other. This can improve their sex lives and increase their relationship satisfaction overall.
At the other end, if you don’t talk about sex, either you or your partner may experience dissatisfaction over your relationship, and this can fester quite badly– even leading to a breakup.
Unfortunately, more than half of women want to have a discussion about their sex life but don’t because they’re embarrassed or uncomfortable. They also don’t want to hurt their partner’s feelings.
But according to GoMag, one study noted that approximately two-thirds of women in lesbian and straight relationships admitted initiating emotion work to minimize boundaries between partners.
Further, lesbian couples as compared with men in same-sex relationships view emotional intimacy as important because this also contributes to positive sexual satisfaction.
How to talk sex within your relationship
So, when you do start talking, what are the things to keep in mind? First, you should avoid comparing your relationship to others. Instead, focus on the aspects of your sex life that you want to change.
What’s more, you should choose the right time and place to have the conversation. Make sure you won’t be distracted, stressed or busy.
It would also be best to have a plan– but don’t stress yourself too much about it. Don’t just say “we need to talk” because those are terrifying words to hear.
More importantly, when you have this conversation, remember to listen. For example, start off with a question about how they feel about the number of times you want to have sex. See if this is what they really want.
As this back-and-forth continues, remember to keep the conversation comfortable. And of course, remember to validate each other’s feelings and be careful in using jokes to lighten the mood.
A spicier sex life and stronger relationship
Once you get the conversation about sex out of the way, you can now work on maintaining a successful relationship. Again, this is easier said than done.
Ruth Schwartz, director of the Conscious Girlfriend Academy, said: “I often say that lesbian relationships can be the best relationships on the planet– but because two women can bond so quickly and go so deep, our relationships can also take more skill to navigate.”
“Frankly, you can have a ton of attraction, chemistry, and things in common, and still [struggle with your] relationship,” Schwartz told EliteDaily.
How do you go about sorting this out? Practice compassion for yourself and others, especially if you’re in a long-term relationship. Little gestures go a long way when your girlfriend is having a bad day– or worse.
We’ve already talked about how talking is important in sex. Well, talking– communicating clearly and often– is also important in all other aspects of your relationship. Listening is a good thing, too.
As Jordana Michelle, a lesbian love coach and the founder of WomenLovingWomen.com, said: “Be a good listener. It feels good when someone truly knows us and hears us when we speak.”