Lesbian fake orgasms: They happen
How often do lesbian fake orgasms happen?
We had read earlier this year that lesbians have more orgasms than straight women.
Writing for Refinery29, Kasandra Brabaw noted that: “There seems to be an understanding, both among queer women and straight people, that women having sex with other women never fake it.”
“Of course, my experience alone is enough to prove that isn’t true,” Brabaw said.
Lesbian fake orgasms: Still faking it
Brabaw noted that the recent study indicated that lesbian women have more orgasm than straight women, 86 percent versus 65 percent respectively.
But she pointed out: “If we look at the numbers in a different way, though, that recent study found that 14% of the time lesbian women did not have an orgasm. Could that meant that, in those moments, they were faking it?”
She further said that this is certainly possible.
In an online survey of 2000 people, she reported that 59 percent of gay women said that they have faked an orgasm, as compared to 68 percent of straight women.
Brabaw said: “So, clearly, queer women fake orgasms. How often they fake them, though, isn’t part of the research.”
Lesbian fake orgasms: The reasons why
As Brabaw noted, a person’s orgasms (fake or not) isn’t indicator of how strong a marriage is, or how satisfactory the sex life is.
“People — straight or queer, married or single — fake orgasms for all kinds of reasons,” she said.
Paisley Gilmour, writing for Cosmopolitan, looked at a study by the University of Kansas that surveyed the reasons why men and women have a fake orgasm with their partners.
These six reasons include: for their partner, they’re not into the sex, for power or to manipulate, because they’re insecure, to make an emotional connection, and it feels good.
However, Gilmour noted that the study doesn’t go any deeper into the matter.
“It seems like if people just stopped trying to pull the wool over their partner’s eyes, and actually communicated about what makes their bits tick, everyone would be much happier (and sexually satisfied),” Gilmour wrote.
Lesbian fake orgasms: Sex is talking
We all heard the importance of communication between partners in a relationship (whether straight or queer).
However, this doesn’t always happen.
“Sex is a form of communication, and it’s the type of communication we have the least experience with,” said Michael Ian Rothenberg, a psychotherapist and sexologist in Florida.
Rothenberg added that we always figure the sex will “work itself out” instead of talking it out.
This is particularly heightened for the queer community.
For lesbians, Vanessa Marin, a sex therapist and the creator of Finishing School said: “There’s this idea that women having sex with other women know what they’re doing.”
“Having a vagina doesn’t magically help you understand all other vaginas,” Marin said
Brabaw noted that: “While the idea that queer women never fake it is obviously untrue, research and anecdote imply that gay women do fake orgasms less often.”
“This may have something to do with the types of sex women have with each other. Sex between two cisgender women requires a focus on women’s pleasure, more so than sex between a cis man and a cis woman,” she wrote.
Whew, that’s reassuring for us lesbians.