How to escape the grip of a straight girl crush

Having a straight girl crush is like going back to the dark ages of LGBT: you can look but you can’t touch.

Unfortunately, just when we thought sexual fluidity has solved all our women desires, we’ve forgotten there are women who are completely straight.

So what happens when you fall head over heels with a girl who are only into dudes? Nothing. You’re just going to have to accept you’re forever in the friend-zone with her.

So avoid these variations of the straight girl crush at all cost.

The straight girl crush: Married

If you see a picture of her on Facebook in a wedding gown clutching a guy in a tuxedo, chances are she’s married and not in some cosplay photo shoot.

If you meet someone who’s already with husband, that’s your clue she’s straight. Not only is it bad news to pine for a married straight girl, you don’t want to be the cause of their divorce if you rock that boat.

The straight girl crush: Misinterpretation

There’s this episode in The Big Bang Theory where a doctor thought if a girl touches him for longer than five seconds, she likes him.

Don’t be that person. Always look for signs if she’s just being friendly or there might be something.

The girl who takes your coffee order might be always cheerful to you. But that could be just part of the job.

It’s easy to misinterpret these things because there’s a thin line between liking someone and being friendly.

The straight girl crush: Flirting

Sometimes a straight girl would actually reciprocate your flirting. Flirting is the most fun any person could have without taking off the clothes.

People flirt all the time, and straight girls can flirt with other women too.

The thing is, avoid being spellbound by that little bit of flirting. That’s all it is: just trying to give each other sexy boosts.

If the flirting ends by daybreak, it’s time to quit as well.

The straight girl crush: Fling

Sometimes a straight girl would actually try to get it on with you. If you can’t tell a fling from a relationship, perhaps you need to sit out the falling-in-love phase for a bit.

Flings are less serious, less committed, and less accountable to each other. But if you have a fling with a straight girl, avoid dreaming you can get old together.

The straight girl crush: It’s not her fault

If she turns you down because she prefers dudes, don’t take it against her. It’s not her fault.

Straight girls are born that way. To each her own, just like with you.